I Feel So Guilty For Giving You Trouble

I Have been so guilty lately. I cannot explain my feeling now as i know in my heart i do feel so sad. This time i know that i have give alot of trouble to the man i love. I know Ken try his very best to help me with money. I feel so shy and i feel so guilty because i keep asking Ken for help.
In my heart i feel so pain. I wonder why am i so stupid and i cant find job. I try so hard to find job but i still cant.

Lately i didnt have enough sleep and I started to feel pain in my heart again. Maybe lately i give stress to myself.

Sometimes i feel i am so useless because i give problems to my parents and also to Ken. I know Ken is trying your best to help Yuri with money. But the more money that Ken send money to Yuri, the more guilty i am. I know you do so much for me and i feel i cant do anything for Ken. In my heart i really want to say thank you to Ken, but i dont know how. I feel i am so stupid.

Today sister Yukiko is back to Malaysia. She phone me. When we talk on the phone immediately i cry. I cry because i miss her alot and i cry because in my mind i was thinking of Ken. I know Ken always tell Yuri dont worry and that is not a problem to Ken, but i know this is hard for Ken. I know that Ken have to help your parents with money, Ken have to pay your own bills and also save money for our marriage and now sending money to Yuri. I know that is not easy thing to do and you send money to Yuri without complain to Yuri.

Some of my friends know my situation now and they know i feel so guilty because i cannot help Ken anything. They say i shouldnt feel guilty and if i keep thinking that is not good for my health. They feel Ken is so good future husband to Yuri. They say Ken is so strong and didnt give up on Yuri even now Yuri facing big problems. Ken, thank you so much that you trust Yuri so much. In my heart i really dont know how to say Thank You to you.

My parents know that Ken now sending big money to Yuri. My parents really feel so thank you to Ken. Even yesterday when i talk to mother, my mother say so sorry to Ken that these few months my parents cannot help Yuri with money and now Ken have to help Yuri. My parents feel guilty too... I feel so pain in heart to see all the people that love Yuri suffer so much. I am so sorry Ken that i give you so much trouble.

Yesterday mother tell me that they dont want Ken to spend so much money on our wedding. Mother say only father, mother and also my sister will come to japan for our wedding. If our relatives comes then Ken have to spend more money. Mother feel she dont want to give Ken more trouble in money.

In Malaysia wedding dinner, mother feel we just have simple dinner in our house with our friends and relatives. That we can save alot of money. I feel mother also feel pain in heart because Ken use so much money lately. Mother tell Yuri that a wedding is not important. But a marriage with a good man is important. I feel mother is so right. I dont need a grand and expensive wedding. I will feel happy with small ceremony with our parents.

I know a good husband is so hard to find, and i am so lucky that i have find Ken. Ken is taking very good care of me even if we are far now. Ken thank you so much for helping Yuri and trust me all the time.

You always make me feel that no matter what bad things that happen to me you will be there to help and to protect me. I really appreciate all the things you have do for me.